The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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