bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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