I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
