and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
