does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
