Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Randomize
