i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
