Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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