I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
