Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
