I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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