Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
