In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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