those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
