some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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