everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
