If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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