You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
