I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They took my balls.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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