when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
