So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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