I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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