Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
