Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
