did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
