Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
