My underwear smells like fireworks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
