Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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