Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
