the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
