I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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