We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
