Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
