I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
