i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
