8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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