i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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