But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
