he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i've created a new STD.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
