I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
