fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
