dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Naked Twister starts at high noon
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
