This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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