Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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