is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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