I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
