Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
