"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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