Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
