Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
