Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
