it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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