The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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