i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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