Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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