he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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