hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
