He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
