new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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