I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
