My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
