Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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