I think im going to throw up on grandma
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
