i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
