Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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