well I can't set my house on fire every night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
