If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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