Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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