Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
