I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How external is "for external use only"?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
