All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
