When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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