My underwear smells like fireworks.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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